Monday, 19 December 2011

Strange unintended consequences

Some saucy news from Manitoba, Canada...

After smoking in public places was banned in 2004, happy hour crowds dwindled in bars across the province.

Lies, all lies! Stanton "black is white" Glantz has conducted studies into this and has proved that smoking bans are good for business. Why do bar-owners around the world continue to deny this? The fools!

In a bid to woo customers back to his lounge, Ron Petryna, the owner of the Headingley Hotel, began running conventional Friday night bingo games.

And why not?

"We started off giving away pretty tame stuff -- cases of pop or boxes of candy," Petryna says. Then he recalled a Ladies' Night promotion he`d witnessed south of the border -- one that climaxed with a few rounds of "naughty bingo" where female participants went home with vibrators and such.

"So we began to introduce adult toys into our own bingo games," says Petryna. "Next we added special martinis and cocktails named after the games. This all evolved from there."

Oh, I say.

"This all" refers to the fact that Manitoba has quietly become the undisputed erotic bingo capital of the world. Sure, you can find comparable goings-on in places like Toronto, Ont., Portland, Ore. and Orlando, Fla. But "dirty bingo" or "X-rated bingo" or however it's billed in those burgs isn't a standard occurrence. Not like it is at Dick's Dylan's, the Stock Exchange Hotel and the Riverside Inn, to name a few local nightspots that now host erotic bingo on a weekly basis.

Tis a frenzy of x-rated bingo in Manitoba.

"Last weekend was the busiest it's ever been, in fact; we had a 28-girl bachelorette party and a soccer team from the U of M. We ended up having to seat people at the pool tables so that everybody could play."

A full house, if you will.

"My first reaction was that it sounded kind of skanky," says Kaisaris. "We don't do strippers here -- we're not that kind of place -- but I quickly discovered that erotic bingo isn't like that at all. It's good clean fun." (Good, clean and free: none of the bars we visited charges people to take part.)

Nowadays, erotic bingo at "The Nob" is definitely a family affair...

Steady on. You're just being silly now.

You can read more of this smut here.


JJ said...

Looks like you've been hit by the lunatic spammer taking people's identities.

Notice he doesn't use capital I.

Anonymous said...

His illiteracy makes him easy to spot.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Glans - sorry, Glantz - woke up one morning.

"What shall I do with the rest of my life?"
A: Cure cancer
B: Build a business, employing thousands of people
C: Pester other people and make their lives a misery

Glantz 'Penis' then set about his work.

I hope that Glantz lives to a ripe old age. While he sits there, banging the button to get a nurse to wipe his withered bum, and when he cannot remember yesterday or the day before that, I hope that he enjoys the hospice-grade food they feed meat units past their sell-by date.